First Kiss Chronicles
In my Junior Year of High School when most girls had boyfriends, I was still figuring out how to manage my nerves enough to land my first kiss.
I had no problem hanging with the guys and cracking jokes, but the whole romance factor... epic fail. I became AWKWARD the minute I felt a sense of attraction, and the fear of rejection would trap me. When those moments occured I traveled back into time. Back to the 5th and 8th grade when I was constantly put down for the darkness of my skin, when I was made to feel insignificant for not fitting the light skin, long hair description. The trauma of being bullied for my complexion held me.
There were many laughs between me and my friends around my awkwardness, we'd often reenact my episodes, but deep down I wanted change, I wanted that first kiss.
One glorious Sunday, something got into me, and maybe it was those raging teenage hormones or peer pressure, but I decided that I would give my first kiss a try.
It was typical Sunday evening of hanging out with my neighbor whose hair I often braided. We got along very well, did I mention that he was cute? Any who, on that day, it hit me, he laughed at my jokes, hung out with me and complimented me every so often. I immediately called my cousin while he was still in the room, blurting out the situation in Haitian Kreyol, (so that he couldn't understand our conversation) asking a million questions. By the end of that call my confidence was boosted and I gave no room for my awkwardness. I was on a mission! So, I put on my 99 cent lip gloss and stared the bull in the eyes and BOOM! He got the hint. For years I siked my self out, but the approach was so simple; it was a matter of confidence. Go after the things you want! Don't hold yourself back.
Con·fi·dence: belief in oneself and one's powers or abilities; self-confidence; self-reliance;assurance.
More than physical pleasure my first kiss was significant because it marked the beginning of my journey in believing that I AM ATTRACTIVE. One kiss did not change years of believing I was undesirable to men. I had to work on my inner beliefs and confidence, to be open and receive that moment. Since then, I have come a long way. I love myself and I know that my skin is beautiful. I love myself in the awkward moments and speak words of love and positivity when ever I feel the fear of reject grabbing it's hand around me.